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I Love You..One Last Time – Approaching 50 and Fabulous
Bereavement Happiness Little Moments Midlife Moms Parenting

I Love You..One Last Time

January 26, 2017

Who knew that 12 months ago, today, would be the last time I would hear the words “I Love You” from Anthony’s mouth???

Who knew???

It wasn’t even a prophetic moment or a Mother-Son bonding experience…

It was a silly Facebook quiz…

A Facebook quiz that now hangs on my gym wall, in a frame, kindly made for me by my dear friend. 

A Facebook quiz that brings tears to my eyes every time I read it.  I started to cry at my desk today when it appeared on my “memory wall.”  

Held that back as best I could. It was only 7am, no time to lose it. 

A Facebook quiz that brings a smile to my face and a lightness to my heart. Anthony died KNOWING that he was loved, and he loved me.

Despite the hell of our arguments over the next two days that followed, this Faccebook quiz gives me every reassurance of his knowledge that every fight was only temporary.  

The quiz:

January 26, 2016

So, some people have been posting this “mom quiz” with cute answers from their small children. Here is mine:

Anthony -24 (he’s still small to me)

WITHOUT ANY prompting, ask your child these questions and write down EXACTLY what they say. It is a great way to find out what they really think. When you re-post put your Child’s age.

1. What is something mom always says to you? I love you

2. What makes mom happy? Her sons. We make her happy

4. How does your mom make you laugh? Stupid shit she says, dumb pictures she texts me 

5. What was your mom like as a child? Crazy

6. How old do you think your mom is? 47 but I really don’t know 

7. How tall is your mom? 5’10”

8. What is her favorite thing to do? Have your phone in her hands, shop online and not work. 

9. What does your mom do when you’re not around? Work. 

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? Writing

11. What is your mom really good at? Speaking in public and writing 

12. What is your mom not very good at? Throwing a ball 

13. What does your mom do for a job? I have never known what to label your job as, I know you work at a media company. 

14. What is your mom’s favorite food? Chocolate if you consider it food. 

15.What makes you proud of your mom? Being a good mom, a hard working person and honest 

16. If your mom were a character, who would she be? No idea 

17. What do you and your mom do together? Get pedicures

18. How are you and your mom the same? We workout, into fitness and nutrition. 

19. How are you and your mom different? You’re a girl I am a guy

20. How do you know your mom loves you? The stuff you do for us. 

21. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go? Shit man, I don’t know. 

22. How old was your Mom when you were born? 29 (I was 25)

23. What is moms favorite color? Violet.

He was, as you can probably tell, getting a little annoyed with me towards the end, so his answers got shorter. 

Thank GOD he said “I love you” to question #1 or I don’t know where I would  mentally be today. 

There was no #3, funny how I didn’t realize that till now, but for #4 we had a few classic texts (COVER THE KIDS EYES! NC-17!!!)

Ha!  This was Anthony and I on good days. We shared so much laughter. I will never delete these text photos. 

The dildo will live forever

He knew all about my punk rock days and wondered how anyone ever dated me, so “Crazy” makes perfect sense for #5.

Being a work AND shopaholic answers #8 and #9 are sensible.  

Anthony knew my passion for public speaking and writing, he was exceptionally proud of my blog and my professional and personal experiences.  I value answers to #10 and #11 so much. I hope to make good on #10 one day. 

#15, reinforces every bit of my heart. I am filled with pride over #15!!  Anthony  didn’t say “nothing, you’re a pain in the ass and I wish you would go away.” He said I am a “good mom, hardworking and honest.”  Kiddo may I NEVER let you (or your brothers) down. 

Yes we got pedicures together. #17 was true. That child had some nasty toes until I started forcing him to come with me to the salon. He loved the massages and his feet finally looked manly!!

And finally our differences, #19… “you’re a girl, I am a guy.” No compelling Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus logic. No diatribe about how I am nuts and he is normal.  He thought we were the same, and we were.  

We still are actually…  

#20, “How do you know your mom loves you? The stuff you do for us.”

Tears are starting, going to end this and go meditate. 

I hope you know how much I love you now kiddo.  I miss you more than life itself. 

Who knew 12 months ago this would be the last time we got to say I Love You out loud??

There is a red sky tonight. I know you are reading this and laughing…Thank you Kiddo. 


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