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50 – Approaching 50 and Fabulous
Aging Bereavement Family Happiness Little Moments Midlife Moms New York City Parenting Working Mom


September 12, 2016

It’s here.  Today is the day. 

The day I have been waiting for…

Today is my 50th Birthday. 

Some history (date, place, time): 

  • September 12,1966 
  • Jacksonville Arkansas USAF Base Hospital
  • 12:55pm (5 minutes before my favorite, now discontinued soap opera All My Children)

Fast forward 50 years…

  • September 12, 2016
  • All Faiths Cemetery, Queens NY
  • 12:55pm

Standing in front of my Anthony’s headstone, Luciano and I held each other tight. We each had a hand on Anthony as the clock changed from 12:54 to 12:55pm. 
I officially turned 50 with my Anthony. 

As it should be. 

I kissed the “o” in his first name, as I always do.  

I heard Anthony’s voice all day today.  While I was doing my morning Yoga, drying my hair, leaving the house.  

His voice, clear as crystal, “Happy Birthday Ma.”

The way he used to. 

Kissing me quick he would give me a huge bear hug and then run off.  Busy as usual. 

When he was little it was so much sweeter, he would crawl in my lap and give me a handmade card and a kiss on the cheek.  But the sentiment was the same “Happy Birthday Ma.”  

I was never “Mom.”

Joey made sure to include his brother (and our beloved dog) in my card. 

“Anthony, thank you so much for giving me a Happy Birthday. I am so glad I got to turn 50 with you.  I miss you today and every day.”

The tears come quickly.  Luciano gets uncomfortable when I cry, so I try to hold it back as much as I can.

He and I leave the cemetery soon after. I have a few errands to run and he is along for the ride. 

My birthday is complete.  Done and done. 

Onto the next chapter. 

đź’‹~ Miranda 

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  • Reply J.L. September 12, 2016 at 11:08 pm

    Happy b-day to you 🙂

    Just discovering your blog…all the best with your finding peace & balance <3

    • Reply Miranda Allen September 12, 2016 at 11:09 pm

      Thank you so much!! Appreciate your kind words.

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