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Finding My Flow – Approaching 50 and Fabulous
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Finding My Flow

August 1, 2016

Admittedly, it is getting harder to find things to write about lately. 

Do I keep droning on and on about my sense of confinement?

Do I continually remind everyone that I am a grieving mother?

Or, do I continue with my life, and try to find my flow?

I started on my elliptical again and wanted to supplement it with a good follow up workout.  I have used FitStar personal training for the past two years, and enjoy it very much.   

I have tried their Fitstar yoga now for the past two weeks. I must say I do enjoy it. I need to find a good beginners class because I am using my FitStar app in order to take classes, however it is not the same as someone physically moving your hips and helping you balance in the correct position.  Once I learn, then I can execute. 

Anthony would have hated Yoga. Too much stretching. Too many cryptic poses that I am still learning to find my rhythm with. 

Actually none of my men would like yoga.  They’re not flexible. Let’s face facts.  I live in a house with 3 rigid males.  They’re wonderful men, don’t get me wrong, but they are very set in their ways.



Well, for all that it’s worth, I am enjoying my beginners attempts at Yoga and hope to get better over time.  

What’s my favorite pose?

You may think it’s Savasana, lying completely still in what they call the “corpse” pose.  I admit, I do like that one, because it signals I am just about at the end of the session. It is also, for me, it is a  total rest opportunity. I tune out the world.

My breath…


At rest…

However, my favorite is Mountain Pose or Tadasana. 

Standing, completely still, and following my breathing, isn’t easy.  

Don’t be fooled.  It’s not simply standing in place. It is rooting yourself into the earth under your feet.  Solidifying yourself without over compensating. Mountain pose step-by-step.

Honestly at first I thought to myself, ok this is easy I am simply standing still.  However, for me, standing still is impossible.  I am always in motion. Mind always racing, body always in movement. 

I wish I was 20 lbs lighter for all this movement I am doing, but that’s another column for another day. 

Standing still, feels good.  Planting myself into the ground and letting my mind relax, is very challenging and comforting at the same time. With every fiber of my being, I need to be still.  

There is no grief, no pain, no movement, no life without…

There is simply me, and my breath…

A Mountain…

Rock solid.

No tears.

No waivering. 

I can be a warrior again, even if only for 30 minutes. 

I am, slowly, finding my flow. 

Anthony would be proud of me. I know Joey and Luciano are.  That’s all that matters.  


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