I am currently visiting the Grieving Process Theme Park. There are a few rules to observe.
Each one of the above I go through daily, especially 3, 5 and 6. No one understands what is going on inside of me, I would give away every earthly possession I have to go back to the way things used to be, and every day I wonder, if only…
Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda Syndrome Parking Available…
I park my car in the lot and turn off the ignition. Plenty of spaces open around me. Maybe I have time to back out of the lot? What if I restart the car?? Can I leave?
I retrace every step of that last day that Anthony was home.
It’s no use, he’s not coming back.
I have passed through the park entrance. It’s time to get my hand stamped and hit the rides that await.
Once you are here, you need to keep moving through the entire Grieving Process Theme Park. There is no going home after the light show.
You will continue to ride the coasters and bumper cars, eating the stale cotton candy. At least the park sells alcohol. Piss warm beer and cheap wine. Classy!
It’s the one and only theme park you DON’T buy a ticket for. You’re handed them. Can’t scalp the tickets on Craigslist or Stubhub either. I tried.
Each day in the theme park is a spiral of emotions. Twists, turns, ups, downs. Grief is a roller coaster you don’t want to be first in line for. No camping out at night to get the VIP Pass. Believe me, if the sign says “two hour wait from this point,” consider yourself lucky.
Maybe then I will get over the nausea that permeates at various times throughout the day. My equilibrium is shot too. I have more bumps, scrapes and bruises than ever. I am dizzily walking into EVERYTHING.
I went to grab Luciano’s doorknob this morning to pull his bedroom door closed so I would not disturb him as I moved around the house and I absently smacked my right hand into the door jam. Nice red mark on my middle finger.
Can you say dizzy???
The Grieving Process Theme Park has an exit…
I just have to wait my turn to go through…
In the meantime, I will take some Dramamine, wear those acupressure bands that I use on my cruise vacations, and continue going on the rides.
I have just entered the Park, and it’s a BIG one. This park makes DisneyWorld and the Magic Kingdom look like the local 7-11. It will take years, even decades to complete the entire journey.
Wish they had a park map for sale… I would love to have a better way to navigate it.