December 17, 1991 I was transformed. My life changed forever. There was no turning back or retreating into my own little corner of the universe. Tuesday December 17 at approximately 7:25am, Miranda became “Mom.”
Anthony, you were born after 36 hours of excruciating labor. My water broke on a Sunday, I gave birth to you on TUESDAY, naturally! You were difficult from day one.
One of the reasons my labor took so long? You had a 15″ circumference head! Most babies have 11-13″ circumference. But not MY child. All 9 lb 2oz of you, was head. When you were was swaddled in a blanket you looked HUGE compared to the other babies in the nursery. Your head overpowered them all. You gave me one HELL of an episiotomy. Gross and painful, but true.
The first year of your life, you didn’t sleep a wink (at night). During the day you slept like a champ, at night, you were wide awake and had croup. You would cough your head off. Poor baby. There was nothing that worked. I was exhausted. I don’t even remember most of that first year, I had no brains left after 365 days of no sleep. I never knew this would come full circle.You grew up so fast. You were a little boy for such a short time. Remote control cars and Video cameras were your favorite toys. I remember every remote control car we bought, you would take it apart in an attempt to make it go faster. None survived a screwdriver. The garage had little pieces of car everywhere that I would, of course, step on and promptly curse in pain, but that was the joy of having you as my son. You would make movies of your antics and were quite the director, controlling every move of your brothers and cousin. Then you would sit us down to watch your latest creation. We would all laugh and I would inevitably smile from ear to ear.
Listening to your laughter, alone or with your brothers, was the sweetest sound in the house. Your laugh is infectious. When you stop a tv show on the DVR and call me into the living room to see something funny, I know I am in for a real treat.
Not to say that you haven’t given me gray hair. Anthony you know all of the times you have made me worry, depressed, yell, scream, cry and shake with fear. The people we didn’t approve of, the actions you took which adversely impacted your life. I accepted a long time ago that we are cannot control your choices.
I don’t need to rehash each incident in great detail, nor will I fool myself into thinking life is behind us. Life is an iterative process. The pain still exists, however it pales in comparison to the love I have for you. I don’t and won’t dwell on the bad things. We have too many good memories as a family. I have an overwhelming love for you. That’s what counts.
Now that you’re all grown up, I have to admit watching you sleep is my favorite. When you’re bundled up in bed, you’re back to being a toddler, my little cherub. My baby. I walk over and quietly kiss your forehead. You’re such a sound sleeper (now) you don’t even stir. I sit down on the edge of your bed and stare at you. I can’t believe you’re mine. I am so lucky.
Happy 24th Birthday to my Anthony, my heart, my firstborn. The song attached is Blessed by Elton John. It is your song.
I dedicated Blessed to you at your birth, danced to it with you at your Baptism, your Communion and will one day dance to it with you at your Wedding. You will always be “Blessed.” I love you more than words could ever express and will always make sure you have the best.
I love you Anthony, you are and will always be, my Baby Boy.