It took me a long time, many personal battles and a good therapist to become comfortable with myself. I can say I reached my peak of self-love at 48. It’s why I finally committed and started my blog. Yes, 2015 was the year I truly decided to live for me and no longer change the needs of my heart for anyone else, even my children. Living for me is the reason why I am celebrating every moment now before 50, it took me a long time to get here and value ME and the impact I had on the world.
I have always been envious of those who were so self-assured. And I thought I was. I thought I was doing pretty well and had my life all together. My career was on a good track, my finances were in good order and I was living.
I wasn’t. Difficulities with my spouse and sons began piling up. 2013 and 2014 were difficult years personally. I wondered why I wasn’t happy and why bad luck seemed to follow me like a magnet. My older sons were running with wrong crowds, each of them getting into trouble on a pretty regular basis. Their troubles were nothing life-threatening, thank God for that, however you do doubt your capacities as a mother when your cherubs turn into rebels and suddenly disappear from your life. It got so bad I began having anxiety and panic-attacks.
Now I am a realist on this topic. No one pulled my sons away from me, they made their own choices. In the beginning you truly try to get involved and “stop the madness.” Not gonna happen, you cannot control another adults choices. Only made things and situations worse. I finally had an “almost breakdown.” I hit my rock bottom. I was not sleeping, I lost 15 lbs, I had panic attacks daily. My emotional rock bottom turned into my saving grace.
I hated the way I felt and sought help. I got a good therapist and clawed my way back to Me. I spent time learning who I was and what my needs were and my therapist reassured me that no matter what my children were going through there was still room for me to love me.
I am not saying everyone has to go to the extreme circumstances I did before I learned who I was and what I was capable of. What I am saying is, PAY ATTENTION to the direction of your life. Pay attention to YOU. Only you control you.
You deserve to be happy, you deserve to be fulfilled. The first step is to like yourself, for who you are, imperfections and all, and move on from there.
No ones life is perfect like they post on Facebook. Everyone has a fear, phobia or another extenuating factor they choose not to share. Would you share every gory detail of your life with your “friends?”
Use what you do offer the world. Show it off! In the end, you will be happy, authentic and enthusiastic for the next chapter in life. There may still be some circumstances that are upsetting or totally out of your control, however they won’t compete with the miracle that is you. Nor should they.