In our 20s and 30s we all know that one person who is really good at toxic and drama-free living. No patience for the bullsh*t that clouds the rest of our every day relationships. No he said/she said, did you knows or innuendos. Straight shooters. No time for the let me tell you… They live in a Drama Free Zone.
Gosh I envied those people.
Not that I caused drama during my young adult life. I truly didn’t. Anyone who knows me knows I kept my head to the ground. I focused on taking care of my sons, family, career and charitable works. I am both a Mother and a Mentor, I wanted to have a reputation for bringing good things to fruition.
I am a nurturer. I live to serve others.
As I hadn’t yet fully embraced my personal boundaries, drama and toxicity followed me like a magnet. My hopes for living in a Drama Free Zone went out the window.
I was and still am a good listener and as a result people brought me their tales of woe, the lethal visitors. Being the nurturing person I am and not fully understanding the mistake I was making, I listened. Sometimes I made the ultimate mistake and advised.
Why didn’t I just jump into the ocean with a rock tied around my ankles instead???
When you advise a lethal visitor, you open up the door for more lethal visitors. A vicious cycle that just won’t stop. I was not only NOT in a Drama Free Zone, I was the Mayor of Dramaville.
I would sit in a room of people and know that half of them couldn’t stand the other half. One of the lethal visitors would follow me around, recounting the sins of everyone in the room.
Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone…
Drama and toxicity are exhausting. Mentally, emotionally and physically. I dreaded being around certain people because I knew, at the end of the night my head would be reeling from all the spin-doctoring and slander. I thought I was doing the right thing by being there for them.
All I was doing was chasing toxic.
I learned a valuable lesson in my 40s, I didn’t want that type of mental hopscotch anymore, with ANYONE – family or friend. I resigned my position as the Mayor of Dramaville and discovered the true value in my personal boundaries.
I began the process of elimination. If you didn’t love me or those that I loved, you had to go. A few went, some are still going. It’s not easy process to evict a lethal visitor. Even harder if they’re in your family. However what has to be done, has to be done, no matter what the relationship.
Like squatters in an abandoned building. Lethal visitors set up camp and it’s a struggle to get them out.
As we go into our 50s, we deserve to surround ourselves with people we respect and who respect our boundaries in return. We shouldn’t expect full reciprocity in all things, but someone that makes you smile versus cringe is a pretty good start.
Love Aunty Acid: